All posts tagged: Fear

Snow Much Fun!

Do you remember the first time you went skiing? The day you learnt how to walk in those giant moon boots, how to click said giant moon boots into those damn skis, how to snow plow and parallel and turn, how to glide off the ski lift without falling on your butt? Well, chances are, you used to be one of those two-year-old kids flying down the mountain with no poles, weaving through larger, clumsier adults. So skiing comes as naturally to you as walking. But this winter break, at the ripe old age of nineteen, I went skiing for the first time. And it was terrifying. I think it’s safe to say, when you’re first learning to ski, it’s very very very wise to take a lesson. And I’m no fool. I’d booked in a class on my first day at 11am. But alas, at 9am everyone was itching to ski, and my friends decided that it would be a wonderful idea to take me skiing first before the lesson. “It’s the easiest run!” …

On Mourning

In the past two days, the topic of death has come up too many times for comfort. My mind is no stranger to thinking of death, in fact, it is quite a preoccupation of mine. I don’t mean that in a suicidal, or homicidal way, far from it; I am just overwhelmingly afraid of it. So naturally, it’s all I can think about sometimes. Today marks 100 days since my Grandfather passed away, and today we went to visit him. My Grandmother placed her handbag on the floor and sat in front of his stone for half an hour, weeping. And slowly, almost quietly, she lay down like I imagine she did fifty years ago, next to him on her side, one arm resting on him. There she stayed for an hour, until it started to rain. Up until today, I never really thought much dealing with death. Sure, I thought about being dead, and I thought about dying. But I never really thought about how people mourn death because, except my Grandpa, no one …

On Starting

Two weeks after I secured the URL to this blog, picked a theme & wrote its description, I sat on a train ride home from a really great day in the sun and wondered to myself: “Why on Earth have I not started writing in it yet?” It wasn’t that I had writer’s block; in the past year I have written enough down to fill 5 and a half notebooks. No, the problem was starting something new and something public, sharing what I had spent too long keeping to myself. Starting something is not difficult in theory, but what people forget to tell you is that starting something simultaneously means ending something else, and it’s the ending something that is going to get to you, every single time. Starting this blog petrifies me, because it simultaneously ends my fantasy with what I imagined it to be. You see, I recognise now that I spend a large majority of my time thinking about any time but the present. I like to re-live past events, and moreover I …